One of my favorite college professors tells a story that ends with, "It took a metaphoric 2x4 to the head to get the point." I feel like that right now . . .
I let myself have a bad week at work because of the words of an uninformed and disconnected administrator who tried to scare his teachers into line.
I find myself as an emotional wreck because I've had to let go of something I really wanted and really tried to make happen, but I can't make anyone else see what everyone else does.
I had to confront some feelings from the past that have been buried pretty deep . . . For a reason.
Sometimes you need a bunch of crappy things to happen all at once to just kick your ass in the right direction. Today is the day I decided that I'm going to be sad for awhile, I'm going to be frustrated, and I'm even going to be angry, but I'm going to be okay. And hopefully, sooner rather than later, I will be more than ok.
I'm choosing to feel better. It will take time, and work, but things will get better. Everything DOES happen for a reason.
Saturday, March 1, 2014
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Excuse Me . . . Did I Hear You Right?
There is nothing worse than working your butt off and picking up the slack for other people only to have your commitment and work ethic questioned . . .
I'm a middle school math teacher. I work with a tough population . . . A population that emotionally drains me because of all the trauma that happens on a regular basis. Too many of my students have crappy lives to no fault of their own. They see substance abuse, gang affiliations, domestic violence, and probably much worse. I have committed myself to my job and being as good of and educator as possible. I have invested myself with my students by getting to know them, talking to them, sharing meals with them, asking about who they are, what they like, and what they experience. My students mean the world to me and I work hard to set them up for success as much as possible.
Today I sat through a meeting. The meeting ended with me asking some clarifying questions about a task we were assigned to complete with our students . . . Goal setting. I won't get into that the goals are based on points in which no one has been able to explain how they are assigned or what they actually mean in reference to actually taking the test. Goal setting is a great experience for kids and I've seen it have a major impact on their success. My question had to do with the time it would take to effectively complete this process with each of my students in 2 days. I asked about being able to complete a few students each day during independent work so as not to disrupt instruction too much. My principal responded with a condescending tone about not taking a "just get it done" attitude.
My school currently has 5 teachers out on long term leave. We struggle to find substitutes to cover teachers who miss one day here and there. That means we take turns giving up our plan time to fill-in where needed. Please don't question my "go-getter-ness" when you have consumed my morning plan time, my plan period, and all half-days with your unorganized, busy-work, and often useless tasks! Oh, and you have not offered me any days off to work on my national board certification like every other district does!
So yes . . . I'm annoyed that you have added another thing to my already full plate, and yes . . . I'm annoyed that your timetable is a little ridiculous . . . So fuck off and get your own shit together before criticizing me and my shit!
Please and thank you!
I'm a middle school math teacher. I work with a tough population . . . A population that emotionally drains me because of all the trauma that happens on a regular basis. Too many of my students have crappy lives to no fault of their own. They see substance abuse, gang affiliations, domestic violence, and probably much worse. I have committed myself to my job and being as good of and educator as possible. I have invested myself with my students by getting to know them, talking to them, sharing meals with them, asking about who they are, what they like, and what they experience. My students mean the world to me and I work hard to set them up for success as much as possible.
Today I sat through a meeting. The meeting ended with me asking some clarifying questions about a task we were assigned to complete with our students . . . Goal setting. I won't get into that the goals are based on points in which no one has been able to explain how they are assigned or what they actually mean in reference to actually taking the test. Goal setting is a great experience for kids and I've seen it have a major impact on their success. My question had to do with the time it would take to effectively complete this process with each of my students in 2 days. I asked about being able to complete a few students each day during independent work so as not to disrupt instruction too much. My principal responded with a condescending tone about not taking a "just get it done" attitude.
My school currently has 5 teachers out on long term leave. We struggle to find substitutes to cover teachers who miss one day here and there. That means we take turns giving up our plan time to fill-in where needed. Please don't question my "go-getter-ness" when you have consumed my morning plan time, my plan period, and all half-days with your unorganized, busy-work, and often useless tasks! Oh, and you have not offered me any days off to work on my national board certification like every other district does!
So yes . . . I'm annoyed that you have added another thing to my already full plate, and yes . . . I'm annoyed that your timetable is a little ridiculous . . . So fuck off and get your own shit together before criticizing me and my shit!
Please and thank you!
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
A Little Background . . .
I know, how about moving into a family home that needs some serious updating, adopting a couple rescue dogs, and pursuing National Board Certification all at the same time!
Last winter, during one of my "independent woman" phases, I decided to move into a family owned house with the intent of fixing it up over time and helping to sell it, or even but it for myself. That was a grand idea until I ripped up the carpets, tore out the kitchen cabinets, took off the base board heaters, and gutted the bathroom . . . I ended up moving out of my apartment into a house with no bathroom, no kitchen, no heat, and a disgusting "old" smell. Not what I had pictured . . .
I also adopted a rescue dog last spring . . . She had a very sad story and I was so excited to have a dog again. She had to stay at my parents house for what I thought would be a month, but with all the house issues, it ended up being a LITTLE bit longer than I anticipated. She had some serious anxiety and separation issues for about a week, but ever since then, she has been the perfect dog! Then I had the bright idea to get a second dog this past fall, so the first dog would have a buddy to play with while I was at work during the day. I spent months looking for the right dog and fell in love with a picture of dog number two. I adopted him, brought him home, took his leash off . . . And didn't get near him again for a month. He's what's known as a "fearful" dog, i.e. terrified of everything, especially humans!
If that wasn't enough, I signed on for the daunting task of becoming a National Board Certified Teacher. While this does not have super difficult tasks, it is a lot of pressure and requires A LOT of hoop jumping to get it done and pass . . . So that means 3 hour meetings once a month, Saturday work days, and a lot of videotaping and writing! Ugh!
So basically I'm a stress ball suffering from anxiety about everything at the same time . . . And yes, I agreed to all of it willingly . . .
Last winter, during one of my "independent woman" phases, I decided to move into a family owned house with the intent of fixing it up over time and helping to sell it, or even but it for myself. That was a grand idea until I ripped up the carpets, tore out the kitchen cabinets, took off the base board heaters, and gutted the bathroom . . . I ended up moving out of my apartment into a house with no bathroom, no kitchen, no heat, and a disgusting "old" smell. Not what I had pictured . . .
I also adopted a rescue dog last spring . . . She had a very sad story and I was so excited to have a dog again. She had to stay at my parents house for what I thought would be a month, but with all the house issues, it ended up being a LITTLE bit longer than I anticipated. She had some serious anxiety and separation issues for about a week, but ever since then, she has been the perfect dog! Then I had the bright idea to get a second dog this past fall, so the first dog would have a buddy to play with while I was at work during the day. I spent months looking for the right dog and fell in love with a picture of dog number two. I adopted him, brought him home, took his leash off . . . And didn't get near him again for a month. He's what's known as a "fearful" dog, i.e. terrified of everything, especially humans!
If that wasn't enough, I signed on for the daunting task of becoming a National Board Certified Teacher. While this does not have super difficult tasks, it is a lot of pressure and requires A LOT of hoop jumping to get it done and pass . . . So that means 3 hour meetings once a month, Saturday work days, and a lot of videotaping and writing! Ugh!
So basically I'm a stress ball suffering from anxiety about everything at the same time . . . And yes, I agreed to all of it willingly . . .
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